Friday, 13 April 2012

A little bit of time for me & Yoga :-) Ramblings from the heart !

Well , I had a busy few days since my last post . I have had all 6 children at home with me , a visit from my first Italian husband staying with us for a week and in between hospital visits a visit from my Mum who flew in from Spain . It has been very full on but it has been lovely.
So what changed for me last year when I came to the conclusion that only I could wean myself of my medication and find my own goals and set myself some new healthier lifestyle targets . First I decided to focus on what I wanted to do , I dearly wanted to get out of my wheelchair . I read lots of motivational stories , I tried every diet going and in desperation tried some of what could be considered downright nutty devices to aid my health and boost my energy. Exhausted from all of this I turned to my sister and asked her how she was coping , thinking that at least it would keep my mind of my own frustration with my health problems. I began working in the October just one day a week for a charity and became very excited at the possibility of building up my strength to be at work full time. I became frustrated as my body could not keep up with what I was demanding of it . I would wind up sat back in my wheelchair or laying in bed in agony being nothing but a moaner to my family , it was a negative spiral downwards. Then I heard the news in the media regarding the Toxic PIP implants , my ears pricked up , I had those implants in 2004 and made an appt at first to see my GP . He told me there was noting to worry about but that in view of my ill health and my anxiety I should go and see my original surgeon. My anxiety by now peaking at it's worse as each horror story unfolded in the media , I felt I needed help and I wanted the PIP implants out of my body as soon as possible. I saw the original company and they confirmed I had PIPs they scheduled removal and reconstruction for the 22nd of january I would have to wait 4 very long weeks. I could not sleep , I felt sick , I read countless pages and forums on other women suffering with ill health , fibromyalgia, and generally low immune systems and got some advice to try and do a detox in preparation for my operation. I had just 4 weeks to loose some weight and get myself as healthy as possible . Sadly despite having tried for a whole year the thought of doing this in one month filled me with fear . I became a walking non sleeping bundle of nerves ,fuelled with adrenanline,anger and dissapointment and yet determined despite the pain to stay on my feet and continue with my physio to ge tme out of my chair. The progress had been slow over the previous 12 months but then I tried some new products for my detox, 3 days in I noticed my legs were not as restless at night, 7 days in I had lost 8 lbs in weight and figured it must be doing me some good as I was clearly visiting the toilet regularly. By the week just before the operation I was ready and then I got the news that a reconstruction was not possible as I had a silicone bleed and it was and had been in my lyph nodes for some time. I had to just have a removal , something I was not psychologically ready for . But I joined a support group and became focused on my weight as i was now totally out of proportion and felt uglier than ever before . I continued with my physio , introduced several more products into my shopping basket and slowly began seeing a difference.  I went away with my husband for a weekend and we stayed in a hotel with one of those full length mirrors and I caught sight of myself for the first time in months . I was shocked at what i saw. I asked my husband to stand in front of the mirror as I realy could not believe my eyes. he laughed and said I was being silly . I then went out and got my camera and took a snapshot of myself and posted it to my Mum who had been with me just 6 weeks before - she replied with a message saying - who is that? - weird yes But very true. So here I am almost 4 months further on , I have not used my wheelchair since the end of last year , I have not used my walker or my walking stick since January. I have now lost a grand total of 4 stone in weight . I sleep 5 hours a night and 2 hours a day and I finally feel more human than I have done in the last 8 years . I have finished my course of physio, I have come off no less than 36 different pills . I am instead walking every day using a morphine patch to control the pain . I am using my health supplements to give me energy and I am learning to listen to my body and pace myself daily. I set myself a goal to get to London with my daughter to tell the company who I purchased the products from what a difference to my life they had made and we made it . I was exhausted of course and I explained I was by no means healed and was still using morphine but that I had no idea how or why it worked . I think many things fell into place at the same time. I have now managed to go swimming for the first time and really enjoyed it , I am building up my activities very slowly and making sure I rest well both before and after anything I do . I think the combination of having a new goal , a new body and the love and support of my family is pulling me through this . I now host a voluntary group to help others suffering with fibromyalgia and CFS , I also work from home now as an Independent marketing Executive along with a lovely supportive team. I get plenty of me time and network with some truelly inspirational women . I have even found myself a personal trainer now and enjoyed my 2nd ever YOGA session just yesterday - it restores my balance , it is helpin unknot my unused tired muscles and helps me have some genuine quiet time which I love. I still ramble and I still forget things, I still cannot multi task and I do have to keep my morphine patch on - but I am determined this will be my year . My year to help others, my year to build a business and my year to re define myself . A total detox from inside and out , a proper look in the mirror and a final acceptance of natural beauty and all it entails . I hope my ramblings inspire you too - sometimes we need to start with something small before we can even see the bigger picture ! Take some time for you - and breathe !!

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