When is the last time you were happy with a photo of yourself - or the image you have of yourself? Most of us hide behind a camera happily pointing it at others .
On New Years I celebrated loosing weight over Christmas as I was booked for my procedure to remove my toxic PIP implants on January 22nd. I had a full removal despite being assured that my ongoing health issues had no relation to my implants my surgeon agreed that removal and a full capsulotomy was the only option for me.
My hubby and I took the opportunity to visit newcastle and I caught sight of myself in the hotel mirror and said to my husband I want that mirror - he laughed and said what are you talking about . I told him it made me look slim and he said well you do look different have you not looked. The truth was I had not dare so I bravely took this reflection and posted it on my FACEBOOK wall much to my friends horror !
As soon as I realised that I could take control of the dimmer switch and choose when to be seen I grabbed it with both hands. It has not been easy and there are days when I do still dim down these days - it is not because I am in hiding it is purely that when I am overloaded in so much pain I do not want to see the sympathy in your eyes , I do not want the children pointing at my walker or my stick and asking why . But on the days or even half days when I am not working from home in my Pjs behind a static image on skype or a screenname in a webinar I turn the lights up bright , not on me but from within me . I shine them on others . I love to support others , I love to make people smile ,laugh and engage with them on a personal level. I am an open book - but this light runs on batteries and every now and then I retreat to recharge . On that note I just want to thank everyone who has supported me from my old NHS blogs, through to the Power of Now group, and so many other groups which finally lead me from living behind a screen to getting back out and doing what I love most . Now I share with you a new me - a reflection on a good day taken on my Birthday last week - and yes my carer came to dress me, and the photographer made me relax and the make up artist put me under her magic spell - but the light I shine is from within a broken mirror . There is no cure for what I have - but I will be sure to fight it every day and for those of you who think you have lost your dimmer switch email me and maybe I can help you find it xx